Coming to terms

Song of the Day: Today's the Day by Aimee Mann

Well, I made my bed. So, I'm doing, hopefully the last production of my life where I'll be a peon. I've made the decision to leave the non-lucrative job of being an assistant for the non-lucrative job of trying to act. Yeah trust me. I know I'm not as bright as some may like. I have decided to pass up a lot of seemingly good opportunities to do something seemingly stupid. But, I have to. I will never forgive myself if I take the easy way out and never do what I had originally intended to. It makes me excited in a way that nothing else does. I love every difficult minute of acting and even thought I know the odds are not so in my favor to do this I still want to. Isn't that sick? I have a perfectly good future if I want it in the area of production, but I just can't make myself do it. I try. I really do, but I want so badly to act. Whatever. I don't care. I do what I want.

The imminent future-A life with John Malkovich vs. Kevin Costner

Song of the day: Relief by Chris Garneau

And so it begins. I head back to work on Tuesday, much to my chagrin. It's funny I can be off for 6 weeks and feel completely bored, but then when I know the future will happen, I get completely upset by it and can't wait for it to all be over. I know that partially it has to do with the fact that I have absolutely no desire to do this silly job on this movie. I half think that I screwed myself in taking it. It's a pity job. I'll hope for the best, but let's face it everyone is telling me I'm nuts for not doing the other job I was offered. It's kinda true. Who takes a horrible job for two weeks versus an incredible job for 5 months? No sane person that's true.